It is no secret that dogs are vastly superior to humans in every imaginable way. This is by no means news. What is news is that our faithful doggie companions are apparently better at video games than we are: ...... Or at least, they seem to be strangely good at speedrunning the old platformers.

Games Done Quick is a biannual charity marathon famous for its quirky speed runs. But as cool and quirky as it is to see a bunch of people trying to run through a game blindfolded, nothing compares to the sight of a Shiba Inu trying to smash a NES game (thanks, Engadget) as old as this 38-year-old writer is with its adorable paws.

The Shiba Inu's name is Peanut Butter, and his owner (Youtuber JSR) calls them "PB" (short for "personal best"). A man called Professor Hector is the platformer who must wade through the various layers of the 8-bit laboratory to diffuse the dynamite.

This is a great prerequisite for a game released in 2023, much less one released in 1985, when I was still in utero. Anyway, watch in awe as this professional-grade papper finishes the entire game in a mere 25 minutes and 28 seconds. Incidentally, according to How Long to Beat, it takes an average of over an hour to complete this overlooked NES classic.

To accomplish this mind-boggling feat, JSR admitted that he coaxed Peanut Butter into playing ball with treats. The dog then used a custom NES controller to complete the gyromite in less than 30 minutes, and JSR also claimed that this mighty four-legged feat was accomplished "without assist, autofire, macros, or save states."

PB will challenge, well, "PB" at the next Games Done Quick event in Pittsburgh, PA in January 2024. Sadly for those participating in person, the 3-year-old Shiba Inu will be taking on the speed run by remote control.

Still, if there is a healthier story on the Internet today than a dog speed-running a game for charity, I don't want to read it.